I am a revert for 4 years now. It was my 4th Eid as a Muslim this year =) When I look back and ponder over these past years, I just cant thank Allaah, my creator, enough for bringing me where I stand today. Its been a wonderful journey so far and I look forward to a lot more not just in this world but also in the next (if Allaah s.w.t wills).
Like all reverts, there have been times when I have felt low on my emaan (faith) due to not being able to practise Islam as I want to, when I have felt tired (mentally and emotionally exhausted) and disoriented..frustrated with leading a dual life; and the only thing that has kept me going is faith that in the end all this will lead to something beautiful, to where I want to be.
Torn between two sides of the same story.
It tires me to live by each side together yet singly.
Words that cannot be spoken, silence that cannot be broken,
Dragging all along; waiting to be free.
Buried deep inside, is what I want for me.
And there are times when you feel so impatient, every situation tests your patience and your faith, but all you can do is cry to your Lord, the one who has created your heart, for His Mercy and His Love and His Forgiveness..for He alone is the Most Merciful and the Most Forgiving!
‘God desires ease for you, and desires not hardship’ (2:185)
His promise is true that patience does pay off. Faith in Him never let’s you down.. It just keeps you going on, fighting through all the tests and trials.
I thought I was close enough, but there is a long way to run.
I thought I had seen it all, but there is a lot more to come.
Keep your calm, oh dear heart;
The creator will lead you to the right path.
Though it aches inside,
I know it will all be worthwhile.
Don’t leave me alone Ya Rabb,
You are my protector, you are my guide.
Make me stand for you in the darkness of night,
Make me strong during the day light.
Give me strength, oh Lord of the Worlds;
Fill my heart with sabr and your love.